Epilogue :)

Ok, I feel like I need to share some more highlights/lowlights and give some thank you’s before I end this marathon chapter.

I have heard many places that one of the reasons the Chicago Marathon is such a popular race is because of the great crowds. I believe it. There were a lot of very entertaining things I saw along the race and in the race that put a smile on my face, no matter how tough the miles were. Here are a few:

• The signs. Some of my favorite include, "Run? I thought they said rum!", "You people are crazy.", and "Your my hero." (As a teacher, you can see why this one was entertaining for me...)
• The crazy outfits. A guy running with a cardboard Eiffel Tower apparatus costume. Crazy. The superheros, bear suits, just a lot of ridiculous-ness.
• All of the different cultures throughout the 29 neighborhoods. Pilsen, Chinatown, Boystown, etc. Although I have been to all of these places before, it was amazing to see all of them come out and cheer us on in their own way.
  

There is absolutely NO WAY I could have taken on this feat all by myself. I need to give some major shout outs.

• First and foremost, my AMAZING husband. Rode his bike with me on nearly every long run, listened to me whine/complain/be crabby when my runs didn't go well, put up with the ridiculous time commitment that is marathon training, and most importantly, traveled all over the city of Chicago on race day to meet me at 4 different points along the course. He is truly the best.
• My friends and family. Amazing support through training with words of encouragement and also lots of fundraising support. Thank you!!!
• My "spectators" on Sunday. To all of you that came down to see me on Sunday, you were truly what got me to the next mile marker or the next place where I knew a familiar face was waiting for me.
• My running buddies, Natalie and Jenny. They ran from mile 20.5 to 25.2 with me, and it completely saved my sanity at that point.
  
• The good residents and firefighters of Chicago who had their hoses spraying onto the course to provide relief from the heat.
• The Zion Hills Mission Baptist Church. Honestly, might be the only reason I survived mile 18.

So now onto the aftermath. Everything I read and everything I had imagined about finishing the marathon included a feeling of, "Wow! I am amazing! I feel like I can do anything now!" but somehow I was lacking that on Sunday after I finished. I said from the beginning that I had no time goal and that all I wanted to do was finish. I ran with the 5 hour pace team, but even then I knew that my finish time would probably be over 5 hours. I think in my head though, I was expecting it to be closer to 5:15 instead of 5:35, and I definitely wasn't expecting to have to walk as much as I did. When I saw that my average minutes per mile ended up at 13:46 when I had run 11:30 through the first half of the race, I felt kind of defeated.

I think my other problem was that over the last several months, everything had been leading up to this. This was my big life event that was coming up, and it was now in the past. And it's not like a wedding or having a baby where the big event is over, but now you get to enjoy being married or raising a child. It was just done. That was it. Again, cliche, but it felt like this giant piece of me was gone.

All night, I tried to weigh the positives in my head:

• I finished a MARATHON. This time last year, running 2 miles was a challenge for me. I had never been able to run the mile in gym class.
  
• I raised over $1,100 for breast cancer research, a cause very important to me and my family.
  
• I still ran the last 2 miles of the race, even after feeling terrible for the 6 miles before that.
• My friends and family were proud of me.
  

It still couldn't shake that feeling of defeat though, and I was still feeling this way when we got home on Monday. I felt like I had faked my way through "running" a marathon by walking so much and taking so long to finish. I knew it was because of the heat and had nothing to do with how hard I trained, but I was still frustrated. I even began contemplating training for the Illinois Marathon at the end of April, just to see if I could do better. At this point I had a complete meltdown and started emailing friends who had run marathons to see if this was something I could even realistically consider. Thankfully, one of my college roommates called me. She had run the 2007 and 2008 Chicago Marathon when it was really hot, and she knew exactly how I was feeling. She basically talked me down from my ledge (figuratively, not literally of course) and made me realize that I had no control over the weather, and that I still had accomplished something great, and that I should be proud no matter what.

I finally started to realize that she was right. I think I needed to hear it from someone who was a runner and who had gone through the same thing. That, and I started thinking about all of the training that would be involved in trying to run another marathon in 6 months. Ugh.

I am happy to say that I am feeling MUCH better about things today, and I have finally found that, "Wow, I did it!" feeling that I was lacking before. I won't say that I will never run another marathon, but it definitely won't be any time soon. I will definitely continue running though, as it has surprisingly become something I love. I never would have said that a year and a half ago. I love being outside and running, and there's absolutely nothing like running a race. If I keep myself in good running shape, I may attempt another marathon in the future. I just think that for now I will stick to races of 13.1 miles or less. :)